Sunday, October 7, 2012

Five years, four sizes and one pair of pants

Saturday morning I met my running group for an 11 mile training run. I was still half asleep when I rolled up at 6:45am, so when Suzy grabbed my face I was slightly startled. "Look at you!!!" she shouted, still holding my face. "You look so skinny! Something has changed!" It seemed odd to receive such a reaction from someone I see every weekend, but she was right. Something had changed seemingly overnight. After hovering awkwardly between sizes for months, suddenly my pants seemed too big and my face more defined.

I spent a lot of time this weekend thinking about my weight. So far this year I have managed to reduce my BMI from the Obese category to Overweight. I have lost more than 10% of my body weight since January. I have finally settled in at a size 12 and weigh  less now than I did when I began high school. Some days I have to pinch myself to understand that this is real.

I decided this morning to clean out my closet and get rid of some items that no longer fit. In doing so I unearthed a pair of pants that I wore to work often while at my heaviest weight. As I began shedding pounds on my weight loss journey, I forced myself to get rid of any clothes that no longer fit. I did not want to have the mindset that if I gained the weight back, I would still have something to wear. Instead I told myself to get rid of the clothes because I would never be so heavy as to fit in to them again. There was one exception though, and that was a pair of pinstripe work pants. These would serve as a reminder of where I had been and how far I had come.

I totally fit both of my legs in one pant leg!

Today I found those size 20 pants, the ones that used to be snug, and I put them on. The waistband struggled to stay up over my hips and the pant legs sagged like deflated balloons. I gathered up the material around me and stared at the fabric in my hands, remembering the person whose skin used to fill every inch of it. I have come so far from the person I was back then that sometimes I forget she existed at all. I'm glad I have those pants to remind me.